Nita's Thoughts on Leaving Mariposa for College

By Nita Vigil

Hi, I am Nita, and since I am beginning college this fall I was asked to share some thoughts regarding leaving Mariposa. For all the other seniors who are also attending college out-of-county, this information will probably make you roll your eyes at the minute details.

But I digress. Anyway, in preparing for college, I have been working on chameleon techniques. A way to blend in is absolutely necessary for survival in a new environment. I have nearly perfected a phony accent, invisible glasses, spray-on tattoos, a false tan, false super-powers, spray-off tattoos, reversible jeans, reversible sweaters, reversible nostrils, scented candles, scented make-up, scented watch batteries, invisible pets, invisible friends, invisible clothes, well, I’m sure you get the picture.

Looking for Alternatives to Cafeteria Food

I have also been researching the resourcefulness of finding natural food. This goes far beyond scouring the campus for wild mushrooms, as this is an old and clichéd idea. It is not only unoriginal; it can be dangerous if one neglects to check for death caps. True scavengers know to check the brightly-colored flowers for insects; which, when caught, can make for a fiber filled, delicious treat. Some insects can serve as a between-classes snack once the legs are removed. When there is more time, honey bees can be laid out on a cookie sheet and baked in the style of roasted almonds.

Get the Butterfly Net!!!!!!

There is also the issue of decorating the dorm. Studies show that decorating is not only relaxing and therapeutic; the results of proper decorating are so rewarding that even art-phobics can enjoy it. In addition to this, there is probably no faster way to find out how strange one’s roommates truly are. Since there are various themes I have found, I will only take time to describe a few. There are the cultural themes: African Tribal Theme, Victorian Era, Early Egyptian, Ancient Roman, Gothic, Elizabethan, Grecian, and then there is the always-favored World War II Era.

There are also the natural themes that bring the outdoors indoors, but since pet occupation in dorms is strictly limited, stuffed rainforest creatures and trans-planted palm trees can give your room a more tropical feel. A more inexpensive way of decorating could involve purchasing a butterfly net and stopping by the flower beds between classes to catch any stragglers. Moths are easier to catch, but they provide a softer look when their wings are displayed against a white wall and butterflies can set off more of a stunning, wild look. If anyone asks about your chasing the wildlife armed with a net and jar, an easy explanation is that the butterfly population is getting out of hand and you are only doing your part to save the environment. Most people will not think this through fast enough to make a rebuttal. If you should meet up with one of these fast-thinkers, begin to rattle off ridiculous statistics about the number of people who have died from “butterfly gas.” You do not have to know what butterfly gas is, it could vary to serve your purpose. If you are standing near a particularly beautiful flower, you could say something like, “See this flower? Well, this little sucker here, [roughly shake jar with butterfly in it] he was headed for it. See this? [Point to nothing in particular on the butterfly], this is where the gas was going to come out and he was close, I barely got him in time!” While you may not convert anyone to your cause, there are few people who can come up with any kind of argument to THAT explanation. However you decide to work it, butterfly gas is both versatile and plausible-sounding.
(Thank you for visiting the Blog and please note that the material presented in this essay is purely the result of a soon-to-be-college-student’s overactive imagination. )